Another New Day

The first day of a new blog. Go me. Maybe I'll actually stick to this one.

I am basically going to use this blog for an opportunity to free-write, in addition to my regular writings. I hope I can come up with some new ideas for them, or even express older ones in a different manner.

Right now, I'm feeling a little full from dinner, and my headache which was bothering me is almost gone. It was making me feel so nauseated - I hardly ever get headaches, much less get nauseated from them, so this was novel, if painful and unpleasant. Paul is studying right now, but he should be home relatively soon. I get so needy lately, I always want his attention when he's at his computer playing WoW. Then again, he always wants my attention when I get engrossed in something too. It's good times.

I really need to work on the stationery for my vow renewal again. It's so hard to say 'vow renewal' and not wedding - it's still a wedding in my head. I mean, yes, we got married at the courthouse, just me and him and a close mutual friend for a witness, but it's still a wedding to me. I didn't get to wear that white dress and do a ceremony and have a huge after-party. And doing it now is so backwards - well, I've done a lot of things backwards up to now, so I guess it's not a big deal. I just really want to say I was able to do this, for me, and for him, and for my family, new and old. It's important to me. Paul wants it to happen too. But it also feels like there are people who don't want it to happen - more to the point, people who think less of me - of us - because we didn't do it in the first place and have everyone there. And by throwing the vow renewal, they'll say, "Well why didn't you do it before? You should have done it in the first place." And if there are people who feel that way... well, then why should we have the vow renewal? If they're going to think less of us whether we try to include them or not, why should we even bother? It really hurts to picture that the people in my life will think that way.

Bleh, feelings dump. ... Not that I haven't done that before. I have a lot of strange feelings I want to explore and get rid of and expand upon... wonder if it'll take me the rest of my life to do that?